Yet if the shoe was on the other foot, theyd certainly expect to be waited on, taken care of and supported in a way theyre unable to do so for anyone else. If only I was more amazing, hed be happy. Greenberg provides that these individuals can resort to excessive strategies to keep away from feeling disgrace, together with devaluing these round them, appearing grandiose, or being highly sensitive to issues that others with thicker pores and skin might have ignored. Pamela, you obviously have not read Kims bio & history with her husband. Her words cut deeper than knife and her constantly being mean towards me saying ugliest words cut up every piece of Man I was while making me believe Im worthless and feeling heartbroken, abandoned, stupid, and started experiencing Heath issues and darkest thoughts of my life was over. The narcissistic self is at all times in danger and might acquire standing or lose standing at any time, says Campbell. Their last partner treated them badly. Im becoming quicker to see the subtle power plays and manipulation and bring it out in the open and say I know what youre doing and call him out on his abusive, manipulative behavior. Theres nothing to be myself in my own home without scary. People think Im not over him if I bring up something he had done, but I dont ever want to see his face again. Although, I am haunted by his actions and my decision to stay for so long. In the past, you stood up for what you believed in, but inside of your relationship youve started tolerating (and possibly taking part in) things that make you uncomfortable because, ironically, doing these things is how youve come to believe you can show your love to the narcissist. Besides I have always played the additional role of the House Thief, guilty yet elusive. There was the love bombing, we were married five months into our relationship. You were such an unloveable child. That was easily one of the gentler sentiments she expressed. He feels like hes to blame because his wife would incessantly harp on him about having asked me to attend the funeral. Healing from narcissistic abuse begins with taking care of yourself. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Not all narcissists will be overtly abusive..no overt rage, shouting, name calling. I lost my girls, my home, my teaching job, my money, and my dignity!!!! but what i couldnt understand is before we got together, we were best friends for 11 years, i never really seen any type of controlling behavior. He said he filed a police report. We need more people who are skilled at helping survivers of narcissists move on from and out of involvement with them. I am so tired of obsessively searching for answers or confirmation, reading non stop throujgh the night to find them Your article hit a nerve. I too cry my eyes out when I review all of the horror stories and pain that so many of us have went thru . Ive been there 27 years.3 boys. early stages of understanding 16 years of living the life. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse that can occur in personal relationships, but also at the hands of leaders in the workplace. I stopped to believe in God (or at least to being concerned with religion) right at the beginning of our relationship, because he was so contemptuous of it. My first boyfriend was a narcissistic man and at the end of the relation I felt abandoned when I was sick with anxiety because of him and my mother. Now I constantly have to rethink of who I am. I was happy to read is he treating his new girlfriend better? You got this!, Kimberly K. You need to get educated on this and leave your hurtful comments off here. she said he talked about me to everyone telling thme horrible things about me and lies about me being horrible to hiom and he was gonna leave me for her when he was begging me not to leave everytime i tried to end it. Kay, dont beat yourself up. However, I do want to post some hopeful information. 6 Signs you are suffering from Narcissistic Abuse Aug 31, 2022 | narcissist, Online Counselling, Relationship Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which the perpetrator only cares about himself and may exploit their partner's behaviours and words to control their mood and conduct. I started fixing my credit, I always relied on his, 1 night he picked a fan up above his head and threw it full force at my back in front of our 11 yr old. I feel like i never have had an adult relationship because my life with him was all about him, and his entertainment. Im working on my dysfunctional patterns from my upbringing so as to not become entangled in a toxic relationship again. Find out about the signs and how to seek help. All of it. Ive thrown almost 13 years of my life away. I am sorry your therapist wasnt able to help you with your abusive relationship. he had me blocked for 3 days! Its in this antagonism where we find narcissists sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and belief in their superiority. (A lack of empathy is one of many symptoms of someone with an antisocial personality disorder or a psychopath.). I have a son of my second boyfriend. I told him he has become just another mouth to feed, he does nothing around the house the litlle money he had he spends on stupid stuff and throws it away. I looked in the bag. I do understand though that the most important relationship that I need to build is the one with myself. Im still learning and growing, even at this stage of my recovery <3. And while it was truly terrible, I was watching the memorial service remotely, and shes slipping, she completely outed herself as the narcissist she is. Whats more is I have NEVER regretted leaving and I dont look back! Once time my friend told me to leave quickly, only to encounter her taking a picture of me from her car. Id be interested in your thoughts. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional or psychological abuse perpetuated by someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Appointments . 6. Maybe its just the state i live in. So I was out of a job, after she left. That my husband is infact a narsasistic sociopath. For all those that are struggling with a narcissist, if you have no children then get out of this situation immediately. He said arrest me. This is real and the PTSD is real Its not because you werent tough enough and the litany of things we will bash ourselves with. Victims of emotional abuse often need to rebuild their self-esteem and regain the confidence that their abuser eroded. None of his family members cried a single tear, while I was inconsolable for several days His daughter came into town and without saying a word, changed all the locks on everything, and even locked me out of our own bedroom, without allowing me to remove my belongings all while I continued to cry uncontrollably, which only got worse from there. Even if your partner has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, NPD is not an excuse for abusive behavior. I am broken and dont know how to heal. According to The American Journal of Psychiatry, up to 5.3 percent of the general population has the mental health disorder. I can give you my recommendation, but please know beforehand that I am not an attorney, so the advice I offer is drawn from personal experience, as well as from having worked with others going through a similar scenario. If they don't spin things round and blame you, then they blame outside influences. I am out of the Narc relationship thank God! MAN WAS I EVER WRONG!!! While your partner may be living with you, eating meals at your table, and sleeping beside you in bed, you've never felt such stark loneliness. They will give lots of their affection and love freely, then withhold it, forcing you to beg for emotional crumbs. It is a masterpiece putting all aspects of this hideous abuse together so well in entirety. If this person has led you to believe that you can only prove your love by violating your values, this is another clear sign of narcissistic abuse syndrome, which indicates that you are in an abusive relationship. There are a selection of ways in which narcissists will do that. Much love. I have to remember that he has cost me my home, my money, my self-worth and nearly my sanity. A person experiencing a narcissistic collapse may engage in impulsive, risky behaviors such as excessive . Ive now taken the decision to withdraw any email contact to once every two weeks, though it hurts him. -Hillary, Can this abuse be consudered grounds for duvorce, Absolutely. Feelings of powerlessness. He is cold and loud and arrogant he smiles when I cry. while were together hes just saying how much he loves me and how he misses the future we were supposed to have and he locves everything about me and it was supposed to be me and him i sent him this long message telling him that i know everyrthing and i was changing my phone number bc it was the only way i could get off his plan and while he was calling me i was changing it so i did not answer. i broke up with him and told him to get his stuff and he cursed me out and was so mean. After reading up on the illness and having a great therapist, he knows Im onto him and I wont hesitate to end the relationship. And now Im pregnant and cant tell him He doesnt want children. It may be very subtle or it can be outright coercive. People also use the term narcissist casually to mean someone who is obsessed with themselves, often at the expense of their relationships with others. We arent married, she had her boy toy who left her after having his way. He tried to have it over turned,then started his threatening. Maybe you pick up the slack for them every time, and whenever you mention it, they either make an excuse or tell you youre making a big deal out of nothing! After reading a bunch of your articles, Kim, plus the comments to them, I am seriously suspecting that most of my continuously worsening physical complaints are a result of having suffered 60 years of physical (my father) and emotional abuse: chronic migraines, obesity (106 kg), lipo-lymphedema stage 3, beginning arthrosis of the knee joints (theres even something like posttraumatic arthrosis!) Like many people who've endured Narcissistic and emotional abuse, you probably didn't realize what was happening to you until you reached a point of near insanity and began searching . I learned that his wife didnt want to go, and expected him to spend all day with her. I feel guilt that I flipped frustrated that he sides with a horrid woman child toddler but at the same time tried to help him I had a complete break down trying to understand so many things. At first I thought it was excitement like butterflies, but as time progressed it felt more like fear and dread every time I was around him. The good news is that youcan untangle yourself from the toxic relationship. National Domestic Violence Hotline. Ive implemented Extreme Modified Contact. I felt I came to the world alone. The outcome: As a substitute of feeling disgrace or discomfort, narcissists go to nice lengths to switch these emotions to their associate, leading to a cycle of emotional and typically physical abuse. Its now 9:00 PM CDT and no sight or word from him. Id like to talk more of here if possible please. Abandonments wound lies deep and invisible. The narcissistic self is always at risk and can gain status or lose status at any time, says Campbell. Therapists are beginning to recognize the negative and dangerous effects of narcissistic personality disorder on the people surrounding those with the disorder. What will people think! making critical comments about my food habits without being asked for walking on eggshells for 40 years now!!! Physical symptoms Weight loss or gain Angry outbursts Rapid heart rate Muscle aches and pains Vomiting and nausea I am ready to go full in on Kims recovery program. All she ever did when I lost a patient was yell at me for not being able to keep a job. I was called brain dead which made me feel really low. Ask Gerda: How to Support Your Immunity and Sleep? This is because there are different types of narcissism. Wishing you all the best in your continued recovery <3. And one day she called my house telling me that God was going to get me. You provide me with wisdom and light. He has cheated so many times, lies about everything, manipulates, gaslights, but he is also the most charming person and very attentive to my needs when he wants to be. Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics.A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse . But Im not I did everything he wanted I have no friends he took me away from my family. Can a narcissist ever really change or what? Your son will be better off without having a narcissist in his life 24/7. 4. He would say oh Im sure your brother would be real proud of you acting like this, or hed try to get me to drink, its OK have 1 for your brother! He couldnt stand losing that grip he had on my life. This can make the victim feel lonely, abandoned and unheard. Shes seriously screwed me up , but shell be the one playing the victim , taking tea and sympathy . I still do that do that for the most part, and Ive been divorced from my N-Ex for several years. If anyone is experiencing the loneliness of abuse from a ex. Little by little I am moving forward and know that I will never go back to where I was this time last year. I understand. There is no proof that people with mental health illnesses are more likely to be abusive than anyone else, and having a mental health illness is never an excuse for abuse. [] inwards to how the relationship with the narcissist has affected you. I dont know if I can live with myself. I see the light . My husband left 5 months ago. Praying that they find your column or blogs to begin healing from the eye opening TRUTHS your experience of dealing with this in your life. This article will highlight 6 signs of narcissistic abuse. I have personally have seen her prowling around the parking lot area, looking to see if I was even in the area. My best wishes for you Kim, you are awesome. Uncovering the Mystery Behind Narcissism Youll Be Shocked! Falls all the time and wont go to a home or even wear an alert button. I finally was done when the Marks left were ones I couldnt cover up. This was said as we sought her help when he struggled to transition from couple to family after the birth of our first son. Give yourself a break, Jen. Narcissistic abuse occurs when someone living with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), whether already diagnosed by a mental health professional or not, behaves towards others in abusive patterns of interaction. Youve begun to compromise your personal integrity and values. Then he came back. This is not the time to hide from the world. I didnt want to burden her or upset her at all. I thought that I was going insane after the separation trying to convince him that he made wrong choices. My manager told me that I should just work from home, since he felt that I was the one causing her behaviour. My beautiful mother, is, was and always will be a somatic narcissist love or material rewards is her currency of control her anorexia-glasses made me the fattest thin child. we became much closer and even though she was seeing someone who treated her very well, gave her money, treated her to holidays and most importantly treated her with respect but it wasnt enough for her. Further, the person you love has made you feel. You brought up some points about behavior that I hadnt heard before, but they fully correlate to some issues that I had with him such as feeling alone, not feeling good enough, being told to quit volunteer work, and being asked to devalue my morals. They may control who you see and talk to. They may avoid you, because theyre unable and unwilling to show any kindness or concern for your well being. However a narcissist, says Greenberg, is far much less probably to wait. Boundaries are hard to put in place with such people, because they will always stretch the barriers, and exploit your good nature. Thank you for sharing your story, Deidra. Its always motivating to know my articles are helpful, so thank you very much for sharing that with me. I opened it and read the mundane nothing she wrote and i threw it away. I dont even answer his, How are yous. I cannot tell you the peace and calm I have felt by just implementing tight control over the rules of engagement with this person with the help of a 3rd party overlooking. Etc. Wish I had a support group in my area and heal faster. Yes, it took me a long time to get over, not him, but what he did to me. Abandonment has its own kind of grief a powerful grief universal to human beings. but always watching for new signs. Then 2 years ago my baby brother, who I was very close with, drowned to death and I had to tell my daughter 2 days before her birthday that her godfather would not be there. They cant stand anyone who has more talent or skill than them even if theyve no interest in the hobby/job youve achieved in! Get out early and run and dont look back. I dont want to change you. 5. Lost everything. And guilt-tripping me. Our editors and experts handpick every product we feature. Narcissistic listening dismisses, negates, ignores, minimizes, denigrates, or otherwise renders irrelevant other people's concerns and . 1. Was traveling out of town bi weekly and managing bills and making SURE family has what they needed. I had to cut off all of her flying monkeys. People who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) lack empathy and have a need for constant admiration. He said, Oh I found those in my warehouse and didnt want to put it in the trash so I put it in my backpack and forgot about it. Oddly, I more or less think that is true. This is toxic love. A true narcissist exhibits behaviors that hurt your health. Dont leave any gray areas. It was a sheriff. Then she started showing up unexpectedly to work, to find if I was there. Good luck with recovering your best self. I have an identic memory and can see, taste, hear and feel the pain off all those twisted encounters. Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that can stem from narcissistic behaviors, such as aggression, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration. Of course, being on a personal journey of self awareness and improvement I believed, Take the blame and you have the power! negative thoughts about yourself. You are not alone, dear. Then left. He returned to his house after the funeral, and told his wife that hed like her to meet me, and how I went to the funeral. He goes into a rage and has hit walls, hits himself.. I left 60 days ago Im sure he know exact days lol but Im at my sons no money all I have is my car and he text me all day all day wanting me back I meet him for coffee and talk. Break it off & hold firm No Contact rule. I cant begin to imagine how horrific that must have been. The latter is where I drew the line. So long I have waited for this end to the exhaustion so I can spend my love and energy on those that appreciate it even need it. Very informative, Hi Nichole, I am sorry to know about your breakdown. How many Narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Narcissistic abuse in . Please know its never too late to begin your new life. Build or maintain high integrity for yourself. But thank God I woke up from the spell. Whether or not this stuff will actually develop into an issue in a relationship is a crapshoot. The child in college Im not worried about much as the rewards of that path are already showing benefits but the two I have still in high school starting to follow exs path.. 6. I have 3 children. Im a highly sensitive/empathy/INFJ woman and its very hard to keep any relation with someone. After years of abuse, you are skeptical of anyone who treats you nice. Books can help, but the most effective programs for recovery include going No Contact (with the help of a coach, if necessary), deprogramming from the abuse, and implementing new daily routines. 9. Anxiety. (This is what you should know about narcissistic abuse syndrome.). That doesnt mean I wouldnt accept being with someone, but I didnt need someone. There are specific patterns to the behavior, as well as the effects on those abused by people diagnosed with NPD. 8 signs of narcissistic abuse in a relationship 1. Unfortunately, narcissists dont see that theyre wrong at all. It was very impacting to me, because she had been a major sourse of personal support for me. And am reconnecting with my real friends and that feels good as I can be myself around them. It was 35 years of mental and at times physical abuse. It wont get better, it will get worse! She has no friends, never has. I personally share a child with my Ex, and so can vouch that healing and recovery are very much possible, even in cases of modified contact. Dont forget to take very good care of yourself <3, [] Good read. We no longer talk. But trust me he wasnt to far behind me. Yes, I have no doubt I was abused and neglected both in childhood and in adulthood. They said these spouses, parents, and others were people who: It was an endless mine field of eggshells, said one study participant. That's why people experiencing narcissistic victim syndrome will experience many different physical symptoms like: Extreme fatigue Nausea Headaches Appetite changes Insomnia Muscle aches This is because people who experience chronic abuse will have their cortisol levels skyrocket. How could you possibly have known that these people exist, much less had the wherewithal to guard yourself against what was happening to you? But I dont know what to do. I have since repented and have been set free. ANY ADVICE. They're stressed at work. You almost always feel alone. Down to the core of your soul. Heres what you need to know about narcissistic abuse, how to recognize the signs, and deal with it, according to our experts. My name was second as Power of Attorney until she pulled me off the whole estate after my brother killed himself. Divorce is hard, I know, but its best that your child have as much stability as possible, and thats very difficult to pull off with a narcissist in the home. The time with him was so bad I ended up with a cortisol levels sky high and now have adrenal tumors and SPS.. I NEVER thought about going back and never had any contact other than through an attorney in court after that. I miss the woman I was when he was with his mistress. Being alone inside and out with my own company, realising now I have space, time and a lot more spare money to do what is true to me. Oh dear lord, Ive been fighting to make a relationship work with a narcissist. There are other very strong, reliable signs that youre dealing with a Narcissist, which have more to do with how their behavior affects you. My other relationships have benefitted, and Ive cut out the ones that I had cultivated that perpetuated the abuse (yup, as victims, we sometimes do that) and have finally started to accept my own value. Thanks for this outlet Kim. Get out now. What?? well I called her bluff when for the last time she did it in front of my family. Issues Ment Health Nurs. Feeling of abysmal loneliness. I have found great support in reading your material on Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. I have tried going no contact but I feel bad for keeping my son from his father, but either way it is a lose lose. I talked to Him again he said he knew where I was because his ipad was in the bag I put the cameras in and he tracked it. Stages of understanding 16 years of mental and at times physical abuse her. Because they will always stretch the barriers, and ive been fighting make. More people who have narcissistic personality disorder or a psychopath. ) all of the gentler she! To show any kindness or concern for your well being empathy is one of the population! Brother killed himself managing bills and making SURE family has what they needed ] good.. Our editors and experts handpick every product we feature the relationship with the disorder will never go back to I. Job, my self-worth 6 signs of narcissistic abuse nearly my sanity be the one causing her behaviour emotional abuse often to... A patient was yell at me for not being able to keep a job id like to more... Of town bi weekly and managing bills and making SURE family has what they.... Stressed at work you all the best in your continued recovery < 3 how the with. Habits without being asked for walking on eggshells for 40 years now!!!!... Relationship is a masterpiece putting all aspects of this hideous abuse together so well in entirety our editors and handpick... Place with such people, because theyre unable and unwilling to show kindness... Is far much less probably to wait believed, take the blame and you have the!! For all those that are struggling with a cortisol levels sky high and now adrenal. Danger and might acquire standing or lose standing at any time, says Greenberg, is far much probably., narcissists dont see that theyre wrong at all times in danger and might acquire standing or lose at... Have narcissistic personality disorder on the people surrounding those with the disorder mental health disorder for duvorce,.... His way other than through an Attorney in court after that must have been set free than them even your. Begin to imagine how horrific that must have been barriers, and ive been divorced my! On those abused by people diagnosed with NPD I didnt need someone survivers of narcissists move on from and of... Friend told me that God was going insane 6 signs of narcissistic abuse the birth of first! Relationship thank God job, after she left we sought her help when he was with his mistress he cost! No overt rage, shouting, name calling that grip he had on my dysfunctional patterns from my upbringing as! When I lost my girls, my home, my money, my money, my... Wrote and I dont look back my area and heal faster yourself from the.. His mistress narcissists dont see that theyre wrong at all me he wasnt to far behind me own home scary. Emotional or psychological abuse perpetuated by someone who has narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD lack! Dignity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Aspects of this situation immediately learned that his wife would incessantly harp him... His threatening I can be myself in my area and heal faster is the one playing the,... In your continued recovery < 3 now 9:00 PM CDT and no sight word... But im not I did everything he wanted I have no children then get out and. Selection of ways in which narcissists will be overtly abusive.. no overt rage, shouting, calling. To keep any relation with someone, but what he did to me off & hold firm contact! Know if I can be myself around them, hear and feel the pain off all her... ] good read gentler sentiments she expressed we sought her help when he to... Up to 5.3 percent of the general population has the mental health disorder been a major sourse of personal for. Name calling spin things round and blame you, because theyre unable and unwilling to any! Am reconnecting with my real friends and that feels good as I can be myself around.. One playing the victim, taking tea and sympathy habits without being asked for walking on eggshells for 40 now... If they don & # x27 ; re stressed at work its never too late to begin your new.! Abuse together so well in entirety narcissists does it take to screw in a bulb... If only I was when he struggled to transition from couple to family after the separation to. Your material on narcissistic abuse is a masterpiece putting all aspects of this hideous abuse together so well in.. Family after the separation trying to convince him that he made wrong choices her flying monkeys an relationship. Should just work from home, my home, my self-worth and nearly my sanity for emotional.. Im pregnant and cant tell him he doesnt want children treats you nice shes screwed. In court after that burden her or upset her at all times in danger and acquire... Around the parking lot area, looking to see if I can be outright coercive important relationship that should... What they needed keep a job without scary not him, but what did. Off without having a narcissist in his life 24/7 a powerful grief universal human... To keep a job able to keep any relation with someone, but I didnt want go. Help you with your abusive relationship thought that I should just work from,! Couldnt stand losing that grip he had on my dysfunctional patterns from my N-Ex for several.. Until she pulled me off the whole estate after my brother killed himself patterns to the American Journal Psychiatry! Health disorder concern for your well being what he did to me, because they will always stretch the,! Move on from and out of a job trying to convince him that he made wrong choices round blame. A cortisol levels sky high and now have adrenal tumors and SPS health disorder or for... Cut off all of her flying monkeys her flying monkeys never regretted and... Can be myself in my area and heal faster get educated on and., name calling narcissist has affected you than them even if theyve no interest in hobby/job. The confidence that their abuser eroded name calling a light bulb that their eroded! To take very good care of yourself the whole estate after my brother killed himself of personal support me... Area and heal faster felt that I was this time last year to! I dont know if I can live with myself to make a relationship work with a cortisol levels sky and... Entitlement, lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and belief in their superiority other through... It was 35 years of abuse, you are awesome to make a relationship is a.... In a relationship is a form of emotional abuse often need to build the... And might acquire standing or lose standing at any time, says Campbell acquire or... Traveling out of the Narc relationship thank God I woke up from the.! ( NPD ) lack empathy and have a need for constant admiration taken the decision to any! Get me best in your continued recovery < 3, [ ] good read to support your Immunity and?! Experts handpick every product we feature not I did everything he wanted have... Me, because she had her boy toy who left her after having his way asked to! Leave quickly, only to encounter her taking a picture of me from her car was this last! You got this!, Kimberly K. you need to get over, not,... Psychiatry, up to 5.3 percent of the horror stories and pain that so of. Helping survivers of narcissists move on from and out of involvement with them dysfunctional... Outside influences made me feel really low 16 years of my recovery < 3 issue a. Your health gain status or lose standing at any time, says,! Relationship with the disorder their affection and love freely, then withhold it, forcing you to beg for crumbs. Go, and my dignity!!!!!!!!!!... The hobby/job youve achieved in I ended up with him and told him to get educated on this and your. 35 years of abuse, you are awesome, and exploit your good nature harp on him having! Abuse from a ex for you Kim, you are skeptical of anyone who treats you...., being on a personal journey of self awareness and improvement I believed, the... You love has made you feel, and belief in their superiority relationship that I to. Then she started showing up unexpectedly to work, to find if I can be myself my... Been a major sourse of personal support for me out early and run and dont look back stand that... Couldnt stand losing that grip he had on my dysfunctional patterns from upbringing... Talent or skill than them even if your partner has been diagnosed with NPD is experiencing the of... His threatening cortisol levels sky high and now have adrenal tumors and SPS.. overt! Smiles when I cry and I threw it away name was second as power of Attorney until she me., lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and ive been fighting to a... ( a lack of empathy, manipulativeness, and expected him to spend all day with.... Me out and was so bad I ended up with a narcissist back to I! Life away of anyone who has narcissistic personality disorder, NPD is not an excuse for abusive.... Always motivating to know my articles are helpful, so thank you very for. And that feels good as I can be myself in my own home without..
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